Today is Tuesday, 15th October 2019
To many people it is just a day.
But to me and many other parents around the world, today is not just any other day.
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
(Matthew 11:28-30)
For the last two decades or so, I have felt a drawing into silence, solitude, meditation on Scripture and prayer. Coupled with this has been a desire to walk with others into the same. When I reflect even further back to my mixed high years, by mixed I mean I oscillated between lost and found, between the black book and top 10 in class, between sneaking out of preps to sleep and raising my voice and hands under the Mugumo tree behind the labs in total surrender; I reckon that this desire for silence, solitude, meditation on Scripture goes way way back.
I can see y’all who know my extrovert, yellow dressing, sunshine, energy bursting ways double checking if indeed this is me writing or a guest blogger. It’s me alright.
Welcome to my introvert side!
The week had began on such a high note. All my efforts to learn how to swim were finally paying off. Nilikuwa nimevuka sakafu, kwa mwendo wa aste aste from the team that rolls up their trousers and dangles legs at the edge of the pool to the maestros who dive under the water and float on it at will.
Little did I know my happiness would be short lived.
I wonder if I am good enough
I wonder if I measure up
I wonder if I will ever be good enough
I wonder if I will ever measure up
I Desire to be SEEN
To be seen for who I am
To be seen for who I am and not what I should be
To be seen for who I am and not what I used to be
To be seen for who I am and not what you want me to be
I desire to be SEEN
When I was young I had a dream of becoming a lawyer then becoming the first female Chief Justice of Kenya. I was very determined, ok in my words, but my actions were not collaborating with me. You see I am a versatile learner. I get easily bored of doing the same thing over and over. So even though I have an absorbing memory and was able to easily regurgitate in the exams what the teachers had said during the term, I never kept still. If I was not skiving off to buy mandazi through the school fence in Primary school, I was skipping classes in high school and missing evening preps all together.
The last couple of days and weeks, in Kenya, women are being killed by their husbands, lovers, husband’s lovers or unknown people almost on a daily basis.
This killing is a process, it doesn’t just happen. It is a vicious cycle of abuse.
When that woman is being choked yet again,
When her children are being banged against walls,
When she is tied up and beaten with all sorts of objects,
When she is screaming her lungs out for hours and neighbours close their ears,
When she rolls over all black and blue,
When she rolls over all bloody and somehow manages to clean up,
When she cooks up a story and plaster a smile on her face as she walks into Church/Work/Meeting,
When her abuser come crawling back,
When he says sorry and showers her with gifts.
Then the cycle repeats itself . . .
Some make it out walking dead,
Some make it out dead.
Every time femicide is reported, a common question unites the observers section:
Why did she not leave?
And my answer is:
Leave and go where?
But Daniel resolved that he would not defile himself with the king’s food, or with the wine that he drank. Therefore he asked the chief of the eunuchs to allow him not to defile himself. And God gave Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the chief of the eunuchs (Daniel 1:8-9a)
You and your friends have decided to confront the class, work, neighborhood bully who has been bullying one of you. You have sat down and strategised on how to tackle this bully. So the day comes, and you all gather and march towards the bully.
You know what you should do/say. You know why you should do/say it. You know how you should do/say it
But when you stand in front of the person you freeze . . .
“In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.” – Mortimer J. Adler
I have always loved reading. Since I was a young girl, books fascinated me. My father is an educationist and as a result we grew up surrounded by books; stack and stacks of them. Most of them were religious books, but books they were. Somewhere in my teens my father signed up to a library where he got two free books a month in exchange for book reviews; guess who ended up doing most of the book reviews? My precious sisters and I. At the time, if I am being honest, I will confess that I hated the task. It was tedious, it was uncalled for, I did not enjoy it.
BUT!
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)
By now you must know that the Bible is made of several books, right?
Just in case you still do not know the number let me help you out.
The Bible is made up of 66 books. It is neatly divided into the Old Testament and the New Testament. The Old Testament has 39 books while the New Testament has 27 books.
Are we together up to there? Good!
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