MENTAL and EMOTIONAL gender based VIOLENCE is one of the most normalized forms of violence within the family unit. It manifests in many ways:
*Parent against Parent
*Parent against Children
*Children against Parent
*Children against Children
16 Thus says the Lord,
who makes a way in the sea,
a path in the mighty waters,
17 who brings out chariot and horse,
army and warrior;
they lie down, they cannot rise,
they are extinguished, quenched like a wick:
18 Do not remember the former things,
or consider the things of old.
19 I am about to do a new thing;
now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness
and rivers in the desert. (Isaiah 43:16-19)
2017 didn’t begin so bright for me but it did get brighter and brighter as the year progressed. And the promise of God doing a new thing was one that I saw fulfilled over and over throughout the year.
I started blogging. Wrote my first series on the blog. The series turned into a book. First launched on Amazon Kindle then as a hardcopy. Met some wonderful people in the process of my writing and publishing. Did a couple of TV and Radio Interviews, got my story published in a newspaper and a leading magazine. A year of very many, many firsts for me – “I am doing a new thing . . .”
During the year 2017, I also learnt alot. Learnt on the job quite literally and made my share of mistakes as well. One of the mistakes I made is aptly summarized by the image below:
Google I spent a lot of time running around like a headless chicken, trying to take all the new things in. Trying to fit in and follow what everyone who I though was successful in blogging and publishing was doing. Lot of time and energy was wasted. Lots of lessons as well learned along the way. All leading back to the path the Lord would desire that I walk in.
So at the end of the year, I took stock and prayerfully made a few decisions that I am excited about for the new year 2018.
In June this year (2017) I had the privilege to meet Uncle Moody Awori the 9th Vice President of the Republic of Kenya. I was so excited for the meeting, I was literally falling all over myself.
I had written my first book (Kenya National Anthem Devotional) and was now in the stage of seeking endorsement from various persons. So, this one day I am in an office just outside town; I had gone to meet a certain person to seek their endorsement for my book. It was not to be, they politely declined. While there, my friend Stanley, I have known him for 20 years and counting, called me. It was a bit strange because we don’t talk on phone as often; but it was all providence. I asked to call him later because I was in a meeting. After the meeting I called him back and said I would pass by his office in town. When we met, I told him what I was upto and why I was in that office earlier. He looked through the Kenya National Anthem series on my blog and immediately said, I know the man to endorse you: Uncle Moody Awori.
THE PARENT:
In your circle of friends, circle of influence and society at large you are the ‘It’ parent. People admire the relationship you have with your children. You proudly talk about your children everywhere you go and the relationship you have with them. As far as you are concerned, you are the SI Unit of parenthood. You silently wonder why the parenthood awards are taking so long to fall into your lap, after all you are the greatest parent that ever lived. And the relationship you have build with your children is rock solid, to be emulated by all.
THE CHILD:
You look at your parents and wonder what world they live in. You wonder if they have a sight problem. As far as you are concerned anytime the charade relationship they claim to have with you will crumble, scratch that, you actively pray that the charade be exposed. You live a double life. The smiley you with your parents. Talking only what they want to hear. Then the real you with people who accept you for you. Anytime you are with your parents requires an extra ounce of strength and patience, to maintain the ‘look’.
In the quest to champion and sustain the rights for girls and women to be educated this proverb/quote made it’s way into the human psyche. It has been pushed down our throats especially in the developing countries and we have owned it and run with it: no questions asked.
However, the more I have reflected on this way of thinking the more I clearly see the faults in it.
Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And do not bring us to the time of trial,
but rescue us from the evil one. (Matthew 6:9-13)
I call Him Father, I call God Father.
The revolution, the peace, the joy this privilege has caused in my life is one I will talk about and live out as long as I breath.
God is amazing in many ways, but one of His most outstanding and lavish gifts to mankind in my experience is the gift of being a Father. Every time I muse over this reality, I am blown away. I find myself just smiling and having a warm fuzzy feeling inside. I feel settled, I feel encompassed by love, I feel known ( weaknesses and all) yet accepted. I feel that I belong.
When I was young I always wanted to be a part of the Kenya judicial system. I will not get into the real reasons for this desire, but I will say this, the fact that I like expressing myself was among the least of them. As time went by, this desire evolved from wanting to become the first female chief justice in Kenya to settling on being a lawyer (nothing bad about being a lawyer ?).
To date some of my family members and close friends still refer to me as chief justice or lawyer. One of the people who fondly called me lawyer was my late grandmother Sarah Wanjiku: she had actually saved my phone number under that name, may she continue to rest in peace.
So, after my not very successful performance at the end of primary school I realized that I could not be a judge leave alone be the first female chief justice in Kenya. I began to pursue law as a career option and so in high school history become my favourite subject. English and Christian Education also featured prominently. However, blame it on the foolishness of youth, I did not perform as expected in the final high school exams and so did not qualify for public university. I paid dearly for my foolishness, spent the next five years of my life ‘slaving away’ at home and feeling very miserable about it.
On 28th November 2011, I went under the knife to remove the numerous fibroids in my uterus that had caused me two painful miscarriages and endless visits to the doctor. It had been a journey of 10 solid months to convince me to finally undergo the myomectomy: Or should I be more honest and say it was actually 2 years into marriage without children and growing pressure from all around.
This evening there are three lessons I feel the Lord would have us learn regarding relationships from the passages we just read.
Lets us start at the beginning.
This was the statement that was to change the course of my reproductive health forever.
I had met my dear friend and gynecologist of 8 years now a few months before this statement was made. The reason being I was planning to get married and needed reproductive health advice. Like many millennial couples my soon to be husband and I wanted to delay getting children until maybe a year into the marriage (This statement/idea/way of thinking makes me see the presumptuousness of human beings! You would think we were in charge, in control and able to give ourselves children!).
The year was 2009.