Today is Tuesday, 15th October 2019
To many people it is just a day.
But to me and many other parents around the world, today is not just any other day.
Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
(Matthew 11:28-30)
For the last two decades or so, I have felt a drawing into silence, solitude, meditation on Scripture and prayer. Coupled with this has been a desire to walk with others into the same. When I reflect even further back to my mixed high years, by mixed I mean I oscillated between lost and found, between the black book and top 10 in class, between sneaking out of preps to sleep and raising my voice and hands under the Mugumo tree behind the labs in total surrender; I reckon that this desire for silence, solitude, meditation on Scripture goes way way back.
I can see y’all who know my extrovert, yellow dressing, sunshine, energy bursting ways double checking if indeed this is me writing or a guest blogger. It’s me alright.
Welcome to my introvert side!
Her name is Sarah Wanjiku Kuria aka Wakamanda.
I speak of her in the present tense even though she has been dead for the last couple of years because, though dead her influence in our lives is very much alive and well.
One of the most outstanding values and characters of my Cŭcŭ was PRAYER. In the village, to date, they call her ‘Cŭcŭ wa Mahoya’ (The grandmother who prays). That woman could pray, woiii, jokes aside.
My cousin Esther captured the potency of those prayers well when she said,
“There is nowhere we will ever go that the prayers of our grandmother and our mothers (her daughters) have not arrived before us.”
Such was the foresight of my Cŭcŭ’s prayers. When she prayed, she would first ask all those present to be in the moment and then, most important, to lock the doors. Disturbance and intrusion during the time of prayer was NOT WELCOME, neither tolerated. And she would begin to pray:
The week had began on such a high note. All my efforts to learn how to swim were finally paying off. Nilikuwa nimevuka sakafu, kwa mwendo wa aste aste from the team that rolls up their trousers and dangles legs at the edge of the pool to the maestros who dive under the water and float on it at will.
Little did I know my happiness would be short lived.
“My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace,
Nor even blessing, but Himself, my God;
‘Tis His to lead me there, not mine, but His,
‘At any cost, dear Lord, by any road!’
(Fanny Brook, Hymns of Consecration and Faith)
I wonder if I am good enough
I wonder if I measure up
I wonder if I will ever be good enough
I wonder if I will ever measure up
I Desire to be SEEN
To be seen for who I am
To be seen for who I am and not what I should be
To be seen for who I am and not what I used to be
To be seen for who I am and not what you want me to be
I desire to be SEEN
a bruised reed he will not break,
and a faintly burning wick he will not quench (Isaiah 42:3)
A couple days ago I came home from a meeting and was met by an entourage of ‘reporters’
“Mami”
“Mama Wendo”
All telling me in unison: “Thayu alivunja TV. Aliigonga na lemon chwa, then pa ikavunjika” (Thayu broke the TV. He hit it with a lemon)
I was into sure how to react so I went into calm mode and got into the house.
Not to be easily deterred the crew of ‘reporters’ followed me and switched on the TV set to show me how much damage had been done and if possible to persuade me to ‘deal’ with Thayu.
I was still not moved.
They went away dejected.
Mission not accomplished.
When I was young I had a dream of becoming a lawyer then becoming the first female Chief Justice of Kenya. I was very determined, ok in my words, but my actions were not collaborating with me. You see I am a versatile learner. I get easily bored of doing the same thing over and over. So even though I have an absorbing memory and was able to easily regurgitate in the exams what the teachers had said during the term, I never kept still. If I was not skiving off to buy mandazi through the school fence in Primary school, I was skipping classes in high school and missing evening preps all together.
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)
For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:7-8)
The song on my mind this Holy Week is one by Hezeh Ndun’gu– Kuigua Wega
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